Lifelines
by mktoronto
Summary: Daniel's thoughts during the events of Lifeboat


**Written in 2010 but not published until now.**

* * *

Janet...

"_The others. Their voices. I can hear them. They're getting louder."_

"_Tryan, look, I need you to stay with me, all right? We need to work together on this."_

"_It's a most incredible feeling."_

Janet...

"_I doubt the others can help as much as you can."_

"_No one can help."_

"_Don't say that!"_

Must reach Janet...

"_They're pulling at me now. I don't know how long."_

I can see her now. That face, that beautiful face...

"Janet?"

"Daniel?

There's so much radiant concern on her face.

"What's going on?"

"Look, something has happened, I need you to just stay with me okay? Just.."

I'm torn away again.

Janet...

* * *

She'll save me.

Janet will save me.

I'm curled up here in the corner, trying to disappear. I feel a thousand voices press upon me.

She'll save me.

* * *

I'm so scared. What is happening to me?

Janet will fix it. She always does.

Help me, Janet!

"_Tell them to stop shouting. It is unbearable!"_

"_I can't hear them."_

I can. They're finding me, here in my little corner. I'm not safe anymore.

"_Be silent!"_

"_They're in your mind, Martice."_

"_No, no, no, no! What you're saying cannot be so. I have responsibilities to attend to. I cannot remain here."_

"_You cannot leave!"_

She is trying to reach me. I can feel her desperation. If she can't help me...

"_A thousand of our people depend on me to lead them, I am the Sovereign. They have sworn an oath to me!"_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_It is my destiny to rule over Ardena."_

She covers it well, she usually does, but I can hear the tightness in her voice, her struggle to stay calm.

"_Listen, you don't understand the seriousness of your condition."_

"_And you still do not realize who you are talking to!"_

I can feel the rage of the voice coming out of my body. I don't know what I can do but I won't let them hurt Janet.

"_I don't give a damn! You don't belong in that man's body and I intend to take it back!"_

Go Janet!

She won't give up. There's something in her voice...

And I'm pushed away again. I have no space to breathe. I take the thought of her and wrap it around me like a blanket. It makes me feel safe, protected.

My love for her. My gratitude to her. It glows around me like a beacon of light.

So much pain...

* * *

"_He'll probably be unconscious for a while, I think it's best if we give him…"_

"What?"

The voices pressing on me are gone. I can be myself again. I stretch out my mind, feeling the familiar patterns.

Ow!

"Daniel?" His voice is surprisingly gentle. "That you?"

"Jack?" I fight to open my eyes. Everything's still groggy.

"How you doing?"

Oh, just peachy Jack. What the hell do you think?

"Bad headache." My eyes still won't open.

"Nail in the head kind of thing?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Yeah." Said so softly I barely heard it.

I finally open my eyes to see Jack, Sam, Teal'c and Janet all smiling at me. God, my head hurts. I look around. Where the hell am I? I give up the fight and close my eyes again. I want the pain to go away and I saw what I needed to see.

She's there.

She's always there.

I feel a needle go into my arm. "Daniel, this should help with the headache. Take it easy. We're not going anywhere."

Her quiet, loving presence. I hear it in her voice, feel it in her touch.

It's a balm to my soul.

Once I feel steady, I open my eyes again to see her relived face.

"Here, these might help." She hands me my glasses.

I flashback to a few weeks ago, freshly returned from ascension, disoriented, feeling kind of like I do right now. She handed me my glasses.

Why did she have my glasses?

* * *

_I am dying. And there she is, trying to save me, desperately hoping there's another miracle out there after she's managed so many. I sense she wants to touch me but is afraid of hurting me more. I can't see anything through my bandaged eyes but I can feel her presence, feel the way she's looking at me. This moment, the first time it's been just the two of us. And a soft, whispered plan..._

"_Daniel, don't leave me yet. There's something I need you to know..."_

_Huge sobs escape from her, the sound breaking my heart. Wanting to do something, anything, to take away the pain. _

"_Dammit! I can't do this, not now..."_

_I can feel her anger and frustration. Footsteps walk away from me, her voice catching as she tries to hold the tears back. Slow, deep, calming breaths until she is herself again. I feel her eyes come back to me. The steps resume to my bedside._

"_Daniel..." She says my name like a prayer._

"_How's he doing, Janet?"_

_Sam, your timing totally sucks._

_I hear her struggle to find her professional voice as she brings Sam up to date on my condition. _

_We were never left alone again._

_What was she going to say? The way her voice sounded..._

_What did I want her to say?_

* * *

God, I've been so blind.

I wanted her to tell me she loved me.

I was in love with her.

I'm still in love with her.

How could I forget?

And what the hell do I do now?


End file.
